Over the last few years a lot has happened, some good, some bad, some eye-opening. If I’m being honest, I used to think that my resilience was my best quality, but then I started to question why it was always me that had to be resilient. I thought about the many times I stood by and watched the people in my life choose themselves over and over again, and then I had to figure out why I was blaming them for me not choosing … me.

Turns out the reason I was putting everyone before I was putting myself, is because I disliked me more than anyone else. And I knew that I needed to fix that if I wanted to enjoy the rest of my life. I needed to get to know me again. I needed to be honest with myself. I needed to figure out if the life that I thought I was supposed to have was the life that I actually wanted.

In the midst of losing my grip on reality, I decided to leave the home that I loved because it reminded me of too many things that I wanted to forget. And how was I supposed to get a fresh start in my old home (I am thinking about moving back eventually though, I have my eye on a unit there thats for sale). My thought process was this:

 

• • Purge everything this time, there is nothing left to hold on to, you need to make room for something new if you want something new. This is when I unpacked my baggage, literally and figuratively.
  • I promised myself that when it came to work I would be more realistic and less whimsical. This time I needed to make sure that beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would be able to take care of myself. I decided that life would be a lot less stressful if I found a job with benefits and a salary. Then I could then use my free time and free money to create art for art’s sake. And one major thing that was a non-negotiable, finding a place to work that I actually enjoy and can make a difference.
  • Next, I wanted to be more intentional about my creativity, so I took a year to explore color, sound, different mediums, different ways to be creative. And I started to build up my camera equipment because I had it in my mind that I wanted to make a documentary (and it’s still in my mind). The entire year of 2023 I photographed myself, I stuck to a plan, I immersed myself in this new colorful world I was creating. 

Then after a lot of research and planning on the type of visuals I wanted to create, I hit a roadblock. Music is such a huge part of my life, and the way I wanted to use it would not from a legal standpoint. So what do I do now? I had already played around with generative AI to create imagery for a few Visio-Sonic art installations I created, but still that was for other artist music. So I started to research and test out apps to create music. Thats when I stumbled upon Udio.

I read through the FAQs, all the T’s and C’s, to make sure that I would not be using anything copyrighted material, and that I would have full ownership over the music. The initial idea was to create some background music for this docu-series about my life called, Finding 40. And I will admit, the first set of songs that I created … they were horrible. And that was because I wasn’t using my own words, I spent all my time on the prompt. 

Then I started to think, ok Saudia, there was a time in your life, when you were a teenager that you used to write songs with your friends, you’ve read the dictionary … like you know words. So what would happen if I actually tried and actually wrote the songs. That’s when I started working on my first album, “Out of My Mind.” The premise was getting all the negative thoughts I had about everything out of my mind. And then release it, literally and figuratively. And I did that, and it felt good, but I also felt like I could do better.

By the time I wrote the first set of songs all the emotions I was trying to portray I had already felt and moved on from. So to me that entire album felt very staged and mechanical, it felt like AI. So I challenged myself to write 100 songs. And to spread that out over a few albums. That turned into 151 songs … 7 albums, 2 EPs and a few singles.

And I am going to take the next year or so, documenting what my songwriting journey felt like, the process and anatomy of Taurus’ music, and how the project evolves and moves from one discipline to another. 

 

Step One = Color Theory

Step Two = Soundtrack

Step Three = Visuals

Step Four = Well I can’t give it all away at once.

 

Stay tuned. I am going to do something I never thought I would do. Show my entire process.