I mean like really romantic…

I grew up watching these rom-coms with these beautiful intelligent people, with these cool jobs, on these intimate dates, having these deep conversations, flicking cigarette ashes on the floor of a dimly lit little nook, in a restaurant filled with other people all doing the same thing…

I know that was a pretty long sentence, but stay with me. Where the fuck is that?

By the time I got old enough to have these experiences people had replaced all of that with drunken nights we can’t remember. There was no depth, but there was a lot of fucking and dancing. Then when you add in the horrible time a lot of us had with relationships because we traded love for lust, and conflated care and support with abuse. I mean, no bueno.

This world owes me my romantic adult life, and I fear I am not going to rest until I get it. I must admit, they almost got me, I was almost gonna settle for a quiet life alone. And in some ways I still want a little of that sprinkled in here and there. In reality, I want a life that feels like I’m living it.

• I want passionate kisses.

• I want quiet movie nights.

• I want sexy vacations.

• I want love thats as loud as me.

• I want romance.

• I want pleasure.

• I want to be yearned for.

What is life without having felt that? When you examine art closely … most of it is about love and/or the artists relationship with it. People talk about love a lot, but how many of us really feel it, in all ways, all at once? I’m not falling for the propaganda that being loved fully and properly is a fairytale. No thank you. There is a person who might be reading this right now, or even just somewhere thinking these exact things. Our thoughts might be aligning us with each other.

I have taken a lot risks in my life. But I have never taken the risk of taking the first step and really asking for what I want. Maybe the only way that I will ever find someone that accentuates my life and doesn’t drain me (and vice versa), is to start writing again and letting the words find who they are meant for.

But I have plenty of patience to make sure I make the right choice, and not just a choice so I can have someone around. I would rather not do that again (I have done that enough lol).

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