Or whatever Janet Jackson said…

I think people conflate dominance and masculinity with control. They do the same thing with submission and femininity. I think it’s lazy; it’s dangerous.

In a perfect world people would understand that we are a unique but homogenous mixture of all things. But we don’t live in a perfect world, it is deeply flawed. And sometimes so are we.

The human experience is at its best when there is duality … or at least it is in my opinion. For me, I am feminine, but I do not want to be controlled, unless I choose to relinquish mine. I am submissive at times, I am attracted to dominance, but I do not want to be fully dominated. If that makes sense.

At work, I like to be in control of my career, my time, I like to manage other people. At home, I like a space a that is mine, I am open to receiving someone into that space, but it is mine to do with as I please. When it comes to every day life, I like my autonomy; I need freedom (not with other people) to choose my own paths. I do not want the life someone else is living to dictate mine.

I know to someone reading this and not knowing anything about me, this may all sound a bit selfish and self-centered. But hear me out. I have spent YEARS of my life trying to make everyone happy to my own detriment. And when they decided I wasn’t making them happy enough, I was left to deal with my unhappiness alone. So now that I have created this space that makes me feel whole, that brings me joy … I won’t allow anyone to take that from me in any way, shape or form.

Now, do I want human connection? Of course I do. And right now I am at a point where I am figuring out what exactly that looks like.