The way I feel about dating and relationships has changed a lot over time. I just don’t think that what I want right now aligns with what most people are looking for. So now I feel like, maybe this year I won’t focus on dating at all.

Do I want to go on dates? Of course I do. I also want to be desired, treated intentionally, fucked. But that’s where it starts to shift, I do not want to be tied to anyone. No, I don’t feel this way because I just want to fuck around with everyone. I want to actually experience what it feels like to live freely, let love happen, not be on a constant search to fulfill a void I just don’t have.

I am very content with myself, I like spending time alone, I enjoy having my own space. I’ve spent so much of my life compromising me so I could keep people around, I refuse to continue that, the shit is dead.

The type of love I want to experience for the rest of my life, has layers, pockets, little compartments that only certain people can access. And thinking about the vastness of the world, has led me to feel (and this is for my life not yours), that I need to spread my love around. You cannot get it ALL from one person, thats why we have friends, it’s supplemental companionship.

And I have never actually dated. I just went on a date with a person and ended up in an automatic relationship. That’s cool when you’re 20-something. But I am a year and some change away from 40.

I want to get to know multiple people at once, at a very slow pace. I want to ask them questions. I want them to ask me questions. I want us to experience things together. And yes, I know you can do this with one person at a time, I’ve done it, and it hasn’t worked (for me). I have this vision of what my life is going to be, and it’s not unrealistic, or unattainable, so it’s what I’m going to do. (See; Tracee Ellis Ross)

The question is, when everyone is looking for a wife, where do I look?

(might change my mind later)